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What does this "Activator" mean to you? "You cannot have what you are not willing to become"

Updated: Feb 12, 2022

Photo on Unsplash

Today, I have a special message for you. As you hear the details, I invite you to immerse yourself and reflect on it. The potential reward of your efforts would be a window of opportunity to expand your self-awareness and deepen your commitment and confidence to realize your compelling career and life vision.

This message was the same one I shared with my Visionary Leader Circle Premium members, a monthly program for the leaders, including graduates from our Fearless Leadership Mastermind, a 6-month leadership training unlike any other my clients have experienced, including me after over 30 years in business.

Every month, growth-minded leaders and I connect during a 60-minute Mastermind Circle. Our growing members receive laser-focused coaching to answer specific work or life questions and tackle pressing challenges. They provide encouragement and benefit from peer support, stay accountable, and keep the momentum while implementing their 12-month massive action plan.

Each month, we delve into a new, intuitively inspired topic, question, or quote in a safe community. To each member's delight, they take turns reflecting on the "Activator of the Month," a concept I learned from one of my mentors, Fabienne Fredrickson. In a judgment-free, fully engaged state, one by one, each leader shares how the activator's theme is relevant professionally or personally.

As leaders share, they gain empowering insights and draw conclusions. They get the support to understand themselves better, remove limiting beliefs interfering with their progress, and gain new resources to advance career goals, pursue personal growth, and expand their sense of physical, emotional, and spiritual health and well-being.

This month, I shared a quote. I was driving home after my typical morning workouts, listening to one of my favorite podcats, Oprah's Super Soul, where she was interviewing Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith, when I first heard this quote.

"You cannot have what you're not willing to become."

After hearing Dr. Beckwith voice these words, the message touched me deeply, and I began to reflect on what it meant to me.

If I want to enjoy peace in my life, I cannot have it unless I'm willing to be peaceful.

If I want romantic love, I cannot fully experience it without embracing that I am LOVE itself.

If I want to feel vibrant and healthy, I cannot have it unless I lead my life as an energized and healthy person.

I spent the rest of my car ride home and several days reflecting on this concept. One of my realizations was that these statements carry an implicit meaning: what I desire to create for the success of my business and joy in my relationships and life must begin within me.

It is believing that I am the leader I desire to be that makes it so. The type of leader who's impacting and contributing to a new way of operating and leading in the workplace, propagating healing leadership practices that elicit the best qualities from our talent, helping leaders develop a growth mindset, Self-leadership, and build inclusive work cultures.

Once I believe it, and I'm willing and committed to becoming my vision, my habits, behaviors, attitudes, mindset, words, and actions follow suit, not the other way around.

There's something very calming and soothing about this quote: "You cannot have what you're not willing to become."

It allows me to take back my remote control, to be in the driver's seat of my life, and engenders a sense of wholeness--I have all I need within me already.

There's no illusion of scarcity or "not enoughness." What I wish for and want is not "out there," it's already here. By owning it, committing to it, that's how I claim it and become it.

From these insights, I arrive at an important truth:

The inner work involves shifting and dissolving existing beliefs that limit my ability to fully express and live from a place of wholeness and abundance.

What does this quote mean to you?

Thank you for partaking in the process as I experienced this quote in my life today.

Now, I'm curious about what you're gleaning and invite you to feel into this quote for yourself, "You cannot have what you're not willing to become," from three different lenses—the lens of doing vs. being, your life's vision, and personal alignment.

Doing Vs. Being

The first lens to examine this quote is from doing vs. being. Here's an example to provide the context for me desiring to feel more peaceful.

When I was getting divorced, I felt very anxious and emotionally drained. I remember how much I craved peace and harmony. There was so much turmoil, a rollercoster of emotions, plenty of doing, work projects, household chores, parenting, family, divorce-related logistics.

It wasn't until I started a new meditation practice during that time that I gave myself the peace I craved externally. After my son was asleep following an intense day of doing things, I began to make time at the end of the day, giving myself 20 - 30 minutes to practice mindful meditation and "be." That daily practice and "me time" became my sanctuary after taking care of all there was and sitting in isolation on the second floor of my marital home.

Life was far from perfect or ideal. However, when I integrated all the "doing" with more "being" precious connection time, I had access to calm my mind, reset from a tumultuous day, and tap into the peace within me because, in the external world, the peace that I wanted didn't exist.

We get busy doing things for others; our kids, partners, team, and work. We often ignore our needs and forget about ourselves.

I invite you to consider, among what you want to "have," how do you want to "be?" Being is also part of the journey, not only the final accomplishment. How you are in your interactions with others and yourself can leave soft emotional footprints or scars—your way of being influences your environment, including those you love and work with.

While you do all the things you're required to do, please choose how you do them. Work, chores, parenting, partnering, planning, we'll be there to do them. However, we have control over how we do them. Choose your way of being wisely. It will be what you feel and remember most from the experiences you get to live.

While striving and achieving, how are you showing up to your teams, treating others, expressing appreciation, being humble, and supporting your well-being as well as others'?

What is your life's vision?

The next lens to consider as you ponder this quote is, "What is the vision for the life and career you desire most?"

One of my mentors, Tony Robbins, says that we are either running away from pain or toward pleasure as humans.

What is that compelling vision for your career and life?

Answering this question is very important because unless you are very clear on that vision, you may be continuously running away from potentially painful situations, rather than toward something that's compelling, inspiring and motivating you--something that gives you purpose and meaning while you work so hard.

One intention feels very different from the other, running away from pain vs. running toward pleasure. The former feels like living in survival mode, and the latter feels more purposeful and meaningful while you work so hard. Both "look" the same from the outside looking in and are distinctively energetically different.

Get curious about your alignment

Finally, as a third lens to inspect "You cannot have what you're not willing to become," consider your alignment.

At this stage in your career and personally:

How aligned are your existing beliefs, thoughts, words, and actions with your compelling vision and what you desire to become?

In my example, these are the questions I would ask myself to support my alignment:

  • How aligned am I on my belief around being peaceful?

  • How much do I believe that I could live a peaceful life, that it is attainable?

  • How aligned are my thoughts and words with living peacefully (e.g., Am I focused on scenarios where things can go south?)

These are questions you can leverage to assess whether you're living in alignment with what you desire. In my case, to align, I think more peaceful thoughts, use kind words, especially about myself, and behave in ways that feel more peaceful.

Regarding your words, what type of words do you often use? Does your conversation emphasize how much chaos you feel or how upside-down it seems? Focusing on a narrative around how anxious, stressed, out of control, or stuck you feel, etc., will bring you less peace. I had to become uber diligent and mindful with my words to bring more peace into my life.

Finally, what about your actions and behaviors? What are your regular activities, and how do they align with the life you desire?

In my instance, to be more peaceful, besides meditation, I get regular body massages and facials with my mother, which releases stress during challenging times. I stay physically active through regular exercise and stock the fridge with healthier food choices, ensuring wine and alcoholic beverages are part of social gatherings, not a daily occurrence. For example, I avoid the news, drama, gossip, and negative relationships while cultivating relationships with people I enjoy and activities that fill my soul, i.e., hiking, yoga, reading, writing, and spending time with dear friends family.

Notice that the goal is not perfection. It's self-awareness so that we can navigate and flow with life's circumstances, make decisions that empower us, and live from a place of Self-leadership, where we lead ourselves powerfully and gracefully.

Call to Action

As we say goodbye today, I'll leave you with these three concepts and perspectives.

Explore how doing vs. being, having a clear, compelling vision of the life you want, and how aligned you are with that vision when you ponder our Activator of the Month, "You cannot have what you're not willing to become."

You are on a journey to discovering your exquisite genius, the resources dormant and ready to activate within you. Let's connect over a complimentary strategy session to leverage my support and guidance to expedite your desired results. We'll surface your Why, what's most challenging for you right now, and your compelling 12-month vision. You have nothing to lose--all to gain. Please visit, and let's support each other to reach our full leadership potential.

Live with purpose, live with joy!

Coach Ginny 💕


Whenever you're ready, we're here to support you. Here are some ways in which we can do this together:

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Dr. Ginny A. Baro is an award-winning transformational speaker & leadership coach, career strategist, and #1 best-selling author of Healing Leadership and Fearless Women at Work. Ginny specializes in partnering with organizations and ERGs to develop leadership dream teams. And she supports individuals navigating a corporate hierarchy or transitioning into an entirely new phase of their career. She has successfully facilitated live and virtual leadership training and coaching programs for individuals and Fortune 500 companies with over 140,000 employees, and delivered keynotes impacting global audiences larger than 7,000. To learn more, visit ExecutiveBound.

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